Driving around from town to town, with my posse of nieces. The oldest is driving and there are two more sitting in the backseat. As I am talking to them about school and shopping, one of them is watching me talk, and blurts out “ew your teeth are so yellow.” Surprised and stunned, I asked her if she knew that what she said was hurtful. She had no idea what she had just done and she didn’t even apologize. I sat quietly and pulled the mirror down to examine her observation. My teeth did look a little yellow, suddenly my mind spins out of control thinking about when the last time I had them professionally cleaned, what kind of toothpaste was I using and as soon as we get home I am switching to a different brand.
Many times I have found myself in similar situations with my young nieces. There was a time when a comment about me being as large as a hippo came about, and even a time when I was asked why I didn’t wear makeup, because I was prettier with it. Often I find myself questioning my own judgement and adding “what will they think.” Rather than trust that I can choose my own clothing, or make up I have been making sure to keep up with the times, so that maybe they won’t have anything to point out. It is exhausting to constantly wonder what they are thinking of me, but their opinion does matter. I don’t want to be an embarrassment and I went through that growing up. Bullied for not fitting in completely, I am now determined to make sure it doesn’t happen with my own nieces.
I try to make sure I don’t allow the thoughts to alter my view of myself, but sometimes I can’t decide if I am dressing, doing my hair or make up because I like it or because I don’t want to be made fun of.
Many times I have found myself in similar situations with my young nieces. There was a time when a comment about me being as large as a hippo came about, and even a time when I was asked why I didn’t wear makeup, because I was prettier with it. Often I find myself questioning my own judgement and adding “what will they think.” Rather than trust that I can choose my own clothing, or make up I have been making sure to keep up with the times, so that maybe they won’t have anything to point out. It is exhausting to constantly wonder what they are thinking of me, but their opinion does matter. I don’t want to be an embarrassment and I went through that growing up. Bullied for not fitting in completely, I am now determined to make sure it doesn’t happen with my own nieces.
I try to make sure I don’t allow the thoughts to alter my view of myself, but sometimes I can’t decide if I am dressing, doing my hair or make up because I like it or because I don’t want to be made fun of.